It was not meant to be. When you saw me as your annoying friend; awkward and “just trying to help”, I was half-way to pushing you away. I knew that we would fall apart. I knew we would never be. It was in the fist moment we met, that I ignored. I knew then, but gave you a fighting chance to prove me wrong. That thin slice of … hmm .. “something tells me you will be a problem in my life”. I knew.

I knew that, in the beginning, when you were telling me how “good” you are, you were really implying how shitty you will treat me down the road. I let you. Because I was not the one that wanted to change you. Other way around…

I didn’t want to push you away myself though. I reluctantly began phase A of “purge the waste” protocol. It isn’t difficult to make other’s do your dirty work for you. Just follow let the trash take itself out.. The plan must be convincing and execution, timely.

Phase A:

I Begin paying close attention to everything you do. I stalk you very obviously?and make you feel like I am there for everything. I attend every event you do. I wear similar clothing. I even become as quiet as you. I make it known to bring up our similarities and help you with everything you are working on. I involve myself in all of your business. I play the soccer mom who knows exactly what you want.

Phase B:

I send you texts often and begin to compliment you on all things obvious. If you draw attention to your hair with by making pretty, I make sure to say something about it. If you take a picture of your chest, I’ll hint at sexual vibes and blow up your ego.

Slowly I creep into your mind like a mirror of captain obvious and mediocre google knowledge that you are desperately trying to avoid. Your judgmental friends have laid the ground work for me.

Phase C:

I send you gifts that moderately resemble your passions but not quiet creative enough to be exactly what you would rather like. This is the finishing touch and when done right, will be the nail on a friendship coffin. Something close to what you do everyday, like a vacuum for a housewife or a rolling pin for a pastry chef or a plant for a gardener… a lens mug for a photographer… 😉 something that screams “I want to please you but I have no idea who you are”

At this point our worlds are oscillating so far apart that we don’t even want to see another awkward encounter. We text each-other randomly just to say we still keep in touch but our texts end shortly after “doing good?”-“yeah”-cordial exchange.

We like each-other’s Insta posts for social politics and good karma points but in reality we have run our course and the end is near. I couldn’t be happier. I knew you would be glad to see me go after “the purge”. Who could stand it? Things that you like get so old, so fast. But honestly, I couldn’t deal with telling you how selfish you were by lying to me… how selfish you were by building castles in the sky and painting pretty pictures only to wash it all away and live your dream without me the next day. By taking my ideas and selling them as your own without consent. By telling me I am useless when all I gave you was inspiration. By lowering my self worth after I wrote your life in ink. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let me… tell you.. you were a fake.

I chose to rather show you the road to hell with a smile and a beautiful feeling of hope for you to meet someone better than me. Someone that knows you better. Someone that is less annoying and painfully normal. Someone that you will spend the rest of your life chasing. Someone like you. Someone.. that IS .. you.

Have fun chasing your own tail, Hun. I hope I don’t see you again.