Reflection

Imagine if we had nothing to go off of when reading people’s reactions. We talk and they don’t react. Sort of like interacting in a dark room. Well, this sounds a bit like texting, right? If we don’t use emoji we don’t allow the listener to understand us completely. We don’t take the time fully express. This is actually about a small self-experiment… So we are talking and if we don’t get a response… our mind makes one up. Usually, this response is a judgment manifested and synthesized from past experiences with the listener, etc…

Essentially, we see ourselves in the empty space that isn’t filled by the listener. How often do we hear the speaker say something like, “do you agree?” “what do you think?” This is a reach for that emotional necessity to validate that we aren’t speaking to ourselves. Cuz that sounds silly and makes us feel awkward when in other’s presence.

Funny how this is the last thing on speaker’s mind and is completely justified in their head saying.. “well, aren’t they rude” The listener failed to fill in the space that is silent. The space that usually gives the speaker feedback about what they are saying is accepted. But…

The difference in confident speakers and those who talk just to be heard is, well, just that. The silence isn’t awkward and it isn’t judged by those who are sure of their message. There is no labeling of listener as rude or overly agreeable by a self confident speaker. Judgement is so easy and we do it so often. I see it everyday in myself and others.

The push here is to be aware of your self reflection during this time of fear. We are most vulnerable when we are judging other’s because this is our mind protecting itself. We fear what we do not know so we make up things to make ourselves feel better – to instantly pull ourselves into “self-pity” because it is <mom’s stroke on the head of approval>… We want to remain good in our own eyes. We want to love ourselves but the empty space gives us… a reflection. It gives us not someone else. It gives us not what we expect. The empty space clearly shows us exactly who we are in HD. Plain and bright as day, known to ourselves to a pain. We know ourselves. But we expect to hear something different. Something we don’t know. Something else… we want something other than us. We crave to know another. But we get ourselves. Ah, the disappointment. The rising emotion of confusion and discomfort are unsettling and we immediately judge (get this) OURSELVES.

We know us best, right. We know ourselves to such stillness that all this happens in a fraction of a millisecond. We break down our own image in the darkness of an empty space where reply from another “should” make us happy and content… because we crave to know another and not us.

But, you see you. So, what do you do? Where do I go now, now that I’ve taken apart this Goldberg machine and am stuck with these dominoes half way to the kitchen to pour me a bowl of cereal?

Funny enough. It is about you. This is you, trying to tell you… to love you.

So, really up to you what you do with these crumbs and just note yourself. Be aware that you are sending yourself messages during conversations with others. What are you missing? Can you do better at treating yourself with respect and consideration necessary to be entirely content and happy? And I’m not talking bullshit happiness we all say and pretend to chase after. I’m talking real, genuine, simple happiness. Are you OK with yourself? Being you, just being still. Just being. Because if you can’t sit still with yourself for a few minutes allowing yourself to be you and not pulling yourself in a million directions telling yourself to “hurry up” or “stop thinking about something” or “get up and do whatever, for the last time god damn it!” … then you are not able to go further. You will not be able to clearly communicate with others or tell them what you really want.. or even love them.

Yes, cheezy af but, this is it. Love really is the answer here so… cheers to you. You, who finds moments to send yourself secret messages. Look out for those. They are important. (but editing this post isn’t! *clicks Publish)